i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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