Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The Olympian is in my bed
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize