i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
