the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
