That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
