R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
