i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
