need another drink. this is the easiest way
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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