i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
