If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
