Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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