i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
