I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
