I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
