Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
