someone get that fucking seahorse.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
