On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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