It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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