how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
birth control should be required to get into college
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
