I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I enjoy the company of your penis
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
