he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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