We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
