Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
