Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
