ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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