just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
