Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
