Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
