I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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