Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
