I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
