just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
