apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
