Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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