What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Randomize
