i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
there is glitter all over my balls
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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