I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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