I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
