I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
