I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
