Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
