there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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