i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
