just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
