I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
