I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
