I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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