i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
