you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Randomize
