Will you blow on my dice?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
