I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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