Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
