it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize