i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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