I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize