Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize