just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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