you traded sex for a burrito?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
