ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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