You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
