I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Randomize
