If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
