Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize