I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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