Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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