i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
