yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
