I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I intend to get homeless drunk
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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