Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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